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a rather silly game
for pirates, turtles, and mongeese
she just ran by with a yellow balloon 
9th-Sep-2008 10:12 pm - tiger in the rear door window
o, ye men of little faith. see what i can live. see what i can survive. the body is a wall which, when reduced to rubble, is nonetheless a sacred divider. until the wall is gone entirely, the spirit remains in the body.

sitting here, waiting, people magazine on the cover whose house am i in? how strange how we come to know people or thing that we do. the rhythm of the sentences is what's important, that's why selfediting is such a problem: it comes out stilted. you would think it doesn't matter but it does. oh, it does. sometimes i think everything but the words defines the words themselves, rather than words' claiming to stand on their own in any sense but a flat sense...

sometimes thoughts whirl around my head and i feel like a scientist, like "give me a problem and i'll solve it, come on, come on" and now is almost one of those times. my neck a little too thick over my sweater vest. "gimme, gimme, gimme." let me feel it hurt. let me walk through it and delight in the excruciating process with the goal being only the experience of the process.

onto iah, onto love. on, on, on. what drama! what delight! what overblown proportions, what wounds unseen and ritual scarring that doesn't leave marks! what sacrifices and compromise! oh! the stakes are high, there are hearts throbbing on the table and people throbbing on the street. (something original something authentic is impossible. why do i never thinksay thisway whenay i'm not typing? how inconvenient.) oh! only now am i living. no, i think not. it's in the breath.
7th-May-2008 03:43 pm - metaphorical delight
today while i was smoking under a giant piece of plyboard propped up against a rotting fence i found a street sign. iah was crouching on a piece of that concrete-stuff with the smooth little rocks in it...i was squat/sitting on half of it for a while, but then i saw the sign. it was dirty but still a parking sign: it said "tow zone" at the bottom and had a strange, unclear configuration of symbols in a big red-lined square. it asked me for a home. it begged to be put on my wall. it cried out, ten years from now when your apartment is clean and gorgeous, i will grace its wall with disruption, with an unfulfilled mandate, with a vaguely euphemistic threat of being "towed."

on my way
as i headed back to the rc, i saw a small band of Professionals committed to their cigarettes standing around outside the door. a woman with long red hair and angry glasses stared at the sign hanging from my hand as i walked across the street, onto the sidewalk, up to the door, into the warmth. she looked from my face to the sign. she was momentarily distracted from her cigarette.

the sign was already a great weight, a strain to my fingers, but it suddenly felt conspicuous in my hand. i kept my face up, oblivious, but it wiggled and whined to the muscles of my hand. i made it up the stairs and walked into the lounge and my pm's eyes moved horizontally from her screen to the sign, never passing my face. she stared at it contemplatively as i hurried into the bathroom where i washed it clean.

a treasure!

other pieces of today: i woke up, masturbated for a while, started another blog, found out that the uk passed a ban on "extreme" pornography (only a few short steps from an extreme ban on pornography...which is implied in "an extreme pornography ban"? it depends on whether "pornography ban" or "extreme pornography" are more common phrases; if it were "a hardcore porn ban," the dominant implication would suggest a ban on hardcore porn) and had enough time to angst about my linguistics paper before i missed class. instead i got dressed.

my computer science test did not go so well, which led me to consider the intersection of the metaphors "getting 50% on a test" (failure) and "getting raped by a test" (difficulty, usually implying some failure). "getting raped by 50%/getting halfway raped [by a test]" (implying that full "penetration" would have constituted success) is an amusing intersection.

my [macbook] computer battery indicator says "x" where it usually shows a lightning-bolt of chargingness. highly upsetting, aesthetically speaking. it's not really a problem (at this moment) except that i keep looking at it and it makes me so sad: though the tap is on, the glass will never be even half full.
22nd-Apr-2008 09:30 am(no subject)
"To speak means to be in a position to use a certain syntax, to grasp the morphology of this or that lanugage, but it means above all to assume a culture, to support the weight of a civilization." Frantz Fanon, "Black Skins, White Masks"

no more hairCollapse )
25th-Mar-2008 08:29 pm - i'd recommend it.
just finished jhumpa lahiri's interpreter of maladies....what a beautiful, beautiful book. my particular favorites were sexy and the titular piece and...all of the other ones. bibi and the stair-sweeping durwan story. to me, they were about aloneness and collectiveness...within the east-meets-west theme, lahiri deals with double standards and the role of the individual but that insufficiently describes these stories' abilities to wrench. somehow, without being Sad--there are threads of sadness and happiness intertwined, which is what is so beautiful--they brought tears to my eyes. the stories deal with death and rape and aging and all of these things that are fairly negative in western culture but somehow brings a maturity? wisdom?...no, a sense of calm appreciation to the issues. "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so," no? and seeing both sides is somehow tragic and lovely.
13th-Mar-2008 11:37 am - stories
"The best that we can hope for music...is that it will humanize."
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